I know I hardly ever write in this journal, but I really need to write out my thoughts.

I've been recently having a strange surge of luck lately, and I've developed a new found optimism.

First of all, It's been months since I last wrote anything, so let me just re-cap.

My old entries tell of how I really loved Ty, well I did, but there's just no way it could work out. It was unrequited love, and it was something I needed to get over or else be unhappy.

I started to like Ivan again anyway, the guy whom I had originally liked in the first place. So for a while, I was torn whether to still like Ty, even though that was in vain, or try my luck again at Ivan, since nothing ever developed in terms of a relationship, only a friendship based on caring and watching each others' back. We've had our ups and downs Ivan and me, but now I really do like him a lot. A whole lot.

He's given me great advice and he has always been a really good friend to me.

And so it starts off like this:

About a month ago, Ty called me out of the blue, even though we hadn't talked to each other since around January, and it caught me off guard. For that time that I was on the phone with him, my feelings of love for him came rushing back. We talked for so long about everything; it felt like old times. But then finally it hit me that I should really let go of him. So when it came to the subject of love and feelings I told him, "You know what? You know that I've loved you for so long, but it's an unrequited love, and it's been nothing but heart-wrenching for me. I need to get over you, and I will. Besides, I'm really starting to like Ivan again, it seems I'm always drawn to him, since the very beginning." And he said, "That's good to hear, but I really do appreciate you a lot, I've always thought of you as a really great friend. You're one of the best people I have ever met. I'm sorry I could never do more for you, but at the time, I just wasn't looking for a relationship. It's funny, but now I think that I'm ready for a relationship, but there are no girls over here in this city that are interested in me." We talked some more and we wanted to have "one final night" together, but after thinking about it, I told him that it would be a bad idea, and he understood.

I decided to finally get over Ty and I did, and I felt as though a big big big weight was lifted off of my shoulders, no my entire body.

And so then I started to focus on my own life, on my own well-being, my confidence built up, I even started losing a lot of weight, well that was even before I had gotten over Ty. Anyway, the point is, my life started to turn around.

Ivan and myself had been thinking for a long time of getting our own place together to help each other out with the rent, but we wanted to have a second job first, to live more securely. None of us were having any luck though, that is until one day, my friend's brother told me they were hiring at Olive Garden, so I immediately applied and got interviewed on the spot, and then the manager said she'd call me for another interview in a week. I thought, eh, this probably means she wont since they say that sometimes when they don't want you, but much to my surprise, while Ivan and I were at the mall, I got a phone call about getting an interview the next day! I went to the interview and got hired on the spot!

I told Ivan that I'd gotten hired and that I'd start my training in a week. He told me he was really happy for me and that with my spunky personality, he knows I'd do well as a server.

But now, Ivan is worried because he doesn't have that second job yet, and he's been thinking about joining the Navy, which makes me kinda sad, because I'll miss him if he goes.

Ivan and me have been hanging out a lot lately. I even talked to him all day one time while he was at work. I brought him some lunch, but he told me he wanted to talk to me more, and he said he was bored anyway, so I stayed with him the whole day and watched as he worked and we talked. After his shift was over, I dropped the car off at my house and he drove us over to Brian's house so that we could play videogames. It was a really fun day. My feelings for Ivan were starting to intensify.

More recently, about 3 days ago, Ivan and myself were working and I decided to stay a little longer to talk with Ivan more, since I get out earlier than him. During a conversation I said something that irritated him. So I sadly and sincerely said, "I'm sorry" while looking down and blushing, but he just smiled and opened up his arms to me and said, "Aww c'mere, c'mere, I didn't really mean it. I'm sorry," so I went up to him and he put his arms around me, but he didn't let go, we stayed in that warm embrace that felt so good for a long time. I didn't want to let go of him either, I placed my head on his chest and I felt so comfortable as he held me in his arms. It was then I knew that, I really love this guy. How could I have been so blind. I've loved this guy for so long, he seems right. Is this why I'm always drawn to him? I wondered. I have been rejected by him before, but now, it seems as though things are finally starting to turn around for me.

Also! I bought a new car! So my life has just suddenly been going so well lately. I hope nothing goes wrong for me.

There's more to the story really, but that's the most recent thing. There are more stories of our budding friendship. I'm not dating Ivan, but I really hope to soon. I want to wait for him to make the first moves though, but if it just happens, that'll be good too.

I'm so content right now.

I thank you if you read this entire thing. My life seems to constantly be changing huh? LOL